I'm hurt and only I will ever know the pain that is held within my brittle skin , my heart is torn every time I think of what you've said or how these words come to be. The movement you make at the sight of my tears makes me become weak through your actions,  but I became stronger In wanting you , I long for your love, but if only I had that long . My mind is in it's own battlefield when you make me feel so worthless, is this love or am I being shaded into the dark and have forgotten my own morals . I said I'd do anything but was I born to be your keeper your pet your punch bag. Maybe it's me maybe I want what's now never seems to be , maybe I'm delusional and just being erratic maybe Iv changed you and made you into this monster then maybe I should bound myself away and be lonely because I don't want to take anymore love from your heart that you once could give  . I was ready to give you my life my everything my heart but how can I when all I'm left with is disrespect, lies and a lack of trust , my head melts into my heart with the thoughts of what has once happened , yet I'd be able to move forward if the situation would change. I fear the worst for you but you will always see different is this just a waiting game , a heart stabbing crush a line of death and a swallow of what I hate . If I was to never speak up would I become someone in fear or would I make you happy , all I want is to make you happy somehow that happiness is floating away sometimes I feel like a wave and your the sail boat and the more I speak the more you drift . 

You used to look at me in a way I never thought was possible your eyes gleamed and your smile became empowering and so my love was captured into your hands , you used to make me feel like it was us against the world against anything ,  thought you was going to stay forever but now the amount of walks you have taken have swayed my ideas. I wish I knew you'd always be there I wish I knew our love would be enough but somehow I can't help thinking that I will now never have that love to keep you , maybe that's selfish but if all I want is you I can only try to keep you but what if that's not what you want. The funny thing is it was never like this I never had been the one to say I love you or want someone , you changed me you showed me what love is and that one person is all you need to change you , Iv never wanted to make someone as happy as I want to make you . I have never wanted somebody else to be above and better than me . i have never wanted to let go of everything to see another ok but you I'd give you my last breath my last piece of strength . I love you no matter what has happened or what is to come , we've stayed together so far so why isn't that enough maybe we are just  trying for what may never be but we don't know unless we keep going and love into the future  and have a past a history and lots of great memories . We've both made mistakes and many more are to come but if this holiday proves to be something that you once loved so dearly will you be my soul mate my lover my future and my present and the person who is going to devote all his strength and power and heart to me just like I am giving you , from the bottom of my heart I love you, will you be there for me will you love me will you always try . Love Shannon